You ever get a text and see it’s not an iMessage and get anxiety? Why can’t these dirty poor Android users get an iPhone and be different just like me?
There's so much going on in the world, but none of it matters as much as Game of Thrones.
I was on a bit of a hiatus, had to get a job on top of being lazy, lots of noise in the world, marketing speak, George Carlin, rebrand, cricket, wickets, cricket bat, office jobs suck, MMMMcast, marketing speak, euphemisms, America is still great at marketing, change my name, Joe Rogan, Seth Rogen, mental health, propaganda's effect on mental health, XXXtentacion, blue texts matter, child slaves making our phones, tales from late capitalism, Kill Tony #315.
This is a lost episode I salvaged from the depths. These kids are dying to make our phones!
I talk about too much shit, too connected, technology, child slaves, thank you children, give them phones, Nike, sweat shops kids have grown up, we don't care, we could be making phones for the Chinese, things change, North Mexico, trying to follow the news, Khashogi, Saudi Arabia, Stalin, Russia, murdering journalist, are you ok with being murdered?, the death of journalism in the US, New York Times, William Randolph Hearst, yellow journalism, Chinese Exclusion Act, marijuana prohibition, DuPont, makes a black man look a white man in the eye, makes a white woman consider non-white men, and why not?, it makes people hang out together regardless of race and enjoy music, muckrakers, midterm elections, DNC has no strategy, Elizabeth Warren, one drop rule, money in politics, cancel democracy, Badger getting shut down by bitches, closeted Republicans, closeted people everywhere, get more Asian friends, victim blaming for the financial crisis, personal responsibility vs a corrupt system, if the UN got together to stop America's consumption and punished the people, responsibility onto the people instead of the power, socialize the losses, we need rails or we'll go off them, i'm the guy who needs to eat and i have to change?, people are important, botox is the deadliest poison but people use it to cheat death
Quitting social media is easy, I've done it ten times already.
It's about time the .001% of 60% of the world's population was represented on the big screen.
We live like ancient kings... I clean my bong with pink salt from the Himalayas.
Working in an office is a drag, man. I bet Trump hates having to go to work everyday in the White House, where he has to pretend to know how to read all day, it's gotta be exhausting.
I debate a name change for the podcast, avoid the Bourdain and Spade suicides amidst a cacophony of squawking of media, politics, children get the worst of it, kids acting like adults are creepy, protected period of innocence, infant mortality at 50%, i don't have anyone to pull it out, happy i remembered, turning 40 50% of the way there, dealing with 0-20, senior citizen babies, openly cruel, the mask has come off, good/evil duality, grasping at narratives to make sense of reality, have i been so high that i know what i know what i'm talking about?, telling stories around the fire, caveman times, shadows on the wall, human evolution, hominid evolution, timescale, genetic bottleneck, hitchhiker's guide, microdosing, helping with cyclical depression, 40 is the steak eating moment in the matrix, xxxtentacion, when i was 19-20, push them east, riots, rooftop koreans, guys getting raped is still funny, will i die on that hill, no but i'll get raped on it, chemical merry-go-around, what did trump do, the border and the kids, white people calling cops on black people for existing, public shaming in restaurants, republicans eat a surprising amount of mexican food (and DNA), gambling on sadism, borders are just where armies got tired, i asked my elders about what they think of north korea and some of them say it's good and the others say it's commie propaganda, peace in our time or we'll all die from nuclear annihilation!
It's Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month? What does that mean? Where is Asia, who is Asia, WHY IS ASIA?!?! ...and will they ever stop fighting? Are we in the midst of Korean Reunification? Will it be as easy as Thanos Snappening his fingers and making half the Koreans disappear (hopefully, the bad half amitrite?)? Is this entire description going to be in questions? I could see that happening, but could the whole podcast be in the form of a question? There's only one way to find out?
We're doing it live! Despite some imaginary sound issues, I powered through to rant about doing comedy in the Valley, neo-feudalism, archery as revenge against birds, and how I'M TIRED OF CURRENT EVENTS, but who am I to stop the tide pods of history?
More Gulag Archipelago to kick us off into a brief aside about Jordan Peterson and Cathy Newman, who you may not need me to remind you of, but let us consider the lobster, possibly for a bit too long. Then it's time to move onto the use of Asians as a sweet visual gag... I'm one to talk, I'm like a walking visual gag. And finally I top it off with an observation on the recentness of clean water and how everyone that ever lived in history before then was drunk.
The Gulag Archipelago has really got me thinking. Are we truly innocent until proven guilty when there are unjust laws in existence? Laws like NOT EATING CHICKEN BONES OFF THE COUNTER, BADGER, BAD BOY!! YOU ARE A BAD BOY AND I WILL PUT YOU IN BAD BOY PRISON!!! Apparently feeding raw chicken bones to dogs is fine, even good for them, but cooked bones can splinter and kill them. Wait, but maybe I'm the bad one? He's not the one who left the bones out, he's just a dog. Maybe I'm the bad one? Let's extrapolate that to our society at large... are we the bad guys? Because if we were in Star Wars are we the Resistance or the First Order. What do either of those things mean anyway? Why did the Empire fall to the Republic only for it to fall to the First Order? It just seems a little too convenient. I look back at my stretch of THC freedom having broken my fast, and some of the observations I've made. Finally, I consider our role as the world's police as we send faceless robots to rain fire down on tribal societies, or even just our complicity in a cycle of death that is necessary and inherent in order for so many of us to live.
Is it appropriate to say Happy MLK Day? Would he be happy if he were alive today? How would he fare against the #MeToo movement? I'm reading The Gulag Archipelago, I talk about crypto currency, and I go off on whiny selfish weed smokers who are complaining about recreational weed taxes.
Happy New Year?
I'm back! And also sober. Stone cold sober as a church mouse who works in a church that drug tests. I go over my trip to NYC, my trip in NYC, how Dave Chappelle inspired me to get back in the game, and how my dad is in the running for Father of the Year.
Free speech is under assault! Not just the ability to say things, but also the ability to question what we should and shouldn't say. Of course, I'm talking about my open mic adventures! This time, I'm banned from an open mic just for asking why we weren't allowed to tell dick jokes. Keep in mind, this was an ad hoc rule the host decided to tack on after someone's set. This type of thing is bad for comedy. Where else but an open mic can comedians risk being unfunny in order to find what's funny? Censorship ensures that those risks are always second-guessed and is comedy contraception cockblocking laughter.
I love comedy. I'm talking a real love though, not an empty platitude on Valentine's Day candy. I'm talking about having to clean someone else's shit kind of love, which only seems to be appropriate with babies and animals, but here I am doing it for comedy. It's in the awkward moments where the fabric of social norms is whisked aside momentarily that I revel in. I recognize that perhaps I'm masochistic, but I've had enough therapy to realize that it's ok, it's totally appropriate in the context of standup comedy to ride that edge. Haha I sound like such a douchebag.
What's it gonna take? For what, you ask? FOR EVERYTHING!!!
Mass shootings, climate change, corruption in our media, government, health care system... just the whole thing through and through stinks of for-profit short-term bloodsucking and not the long-term rational action needed to deal with some really important things.
Meanwhile, there's good in this world, just because our media is run by "if it leads, it bleeds" parasites doesn't mean that's all there is to reality. Hug a loved one, and be grateful for what you have.
Roasting has permeated geopolitics! Is there no end to the roastification of the planet? You got your carbon heating things up but you also have viscous verbal barbs being slung willy-nilly, with no thought to the consequences. Many people believe the moment Trump decided to be President was when Obama roasted him at the White House Press Correspondence Dinner. Now Trump is President and is roast battling Kim Jong Un at the UN, and KJU responds with the D-bomb that had everyone shitting themselves. Meanwhile, is this what's important? Maybe. At least it's more important than football.
Living the life in Los Angeles! Can't complain, or can I? This is a rant cast, off the cuff, riffing hot licks, where I just go, no huddle. Thank you for your patience.