My cat, Kubrick, drives me crazy in the mornings because he knows that if he can get me up, he gets tuna. This morning I decided to shut him in the bathroom, not totally, but just so that he’ll have to use a little effort to open it. Then I could get that sweet ten extra minutes of sleep. Two minutes later, I was informed that there was a huge turd on the bath mat.
I know some people think cats are feminine. I think that’s Ancient Roman propaganda against Egypt, because Kubrick is a dude. He lays massive dude-sized shits that defy explanation. If he was a human being, his logs would be the size of one of his legs! Is that feminine? It’s possible, since I am unfamiliar with much of the feminine mystique, but my gut tells me no.
Scientists on Wikipedia say that cats use their poops to indicate displeasure and/or ownership, and I knew that’s what Kubrick’s intention was with his massive offering. It was a furious poop. Then I got to thinking, Furious Styles was the name of Lawrence Fishburne’s character in BOYZ IN DA HOOD. If there was ever a remake of that movie with cats, the Fishburne character could be called Furious Poops, and of course, his son, Tré. It’s not just the word “furious” that draws connective tissue between these two but also the fact that pooping is communicating with style. Finally, the cat actor playing Furious Poops could be named Lawrence Fishbroil or Clawrence Fishburne.